When we believe our life is not in our control, this becomes our reality.  We give the reins to other people: our boss, our parents, our partners or our enemies. We don’t establish healthy boundaries. We people please and go to great lengths to avoid discomfort and pain. We, then, are truly not in control of our thoughts and actions.  We are simply reacting to the outside world. This leaves us vulnerable to manipulation and influence by corrupted individuals e.g. narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths etc. These people, too, are part of the interconnected cosomos. They, too, are unavoidable, however, and not under our control.  You will make yourself miserable by being battered around by your emotions, which their preferred play thing.  Also how do you expect persons like this to act? They will always act in the same way: their own self interest with varying degrees of casual disregard for others as well as society’s customs and laws. Why become angry or upset when they act according to their nature? Do you become upset when your pet cat brings you a dead mouse? The cat is only acting according to its own nature too.  These people are similarly like wild animals controlled by their corrupted nature.  Do not be surprised. But also, do not be upset if someone you believed to be a moral and just person proves themselves to be morally corrupt.

As a just person, We generally assume others are also just at first and will find ourselves unwittingly in the cross hairs of one of these malevolent persons. Our own emotional disturbance is often their end goal as they derive pleasure in causing others to suffer.  So don’t make their job any easier. By practicing these principles in our dailylives, we will be less perturbed and disturbable when someone comes for us. It is impossible to prevent all emotional reactions especially at first and especially with ADHD and RSD. After years of feeling out of control we may have started to feel like slaves to our emoitons. Especially if this is a person we initially trusted or thought a good person, their misdeeds cause a greater emotional reaction. As we progress on this path and gain more experience in life, we will more easily be able to see these people coming from a mile away. 

A person will quickly show you what they value and their nature — Listen to them.  A narcissist can usually only mask their toxic beliefs and behaviors for 15 minutes at a time.  You can implement a trust but verify approach when interacting with new individuals.  Do not give someone your unfettered trust until you have had enough time to vet them.  How often has a new outgoing individual mesmerized us ? They put us at ease, make us feel good (at first at least). However, this is also one of the most common trademarks of the narcissist and the sociopath. If you find yourself with someone like this, be extra cautious especially when you are first learning the difference between one of them and just an extroverted person. They will not be try to manipulate you or keep you from establishing healthy boundaries. These people will not purposefully hurt you or disturb your peace. So, trust your gut. Trust how they make you feel.  We have been lied to disbelieve it by these other corrupted individuals throughout our lives.

And of course, there are also people other than these extreme examples who suffer from emotional disturbances, other mental afflictions, trauma or otherwise are slaves to their emotions. Have we not often hurt others we cared about with our own reactive behavior before we found our own internal locus of control.? This relates back to us all being in this together. Unless we lock ourselves in our rooms, another recipe for misery, we will be buffered by the action and words of others on a daily basis. 

By developing our own inner calm we can always steady ourselves like a ship battered at sea.  Mindfulness having birthed from principles of Buddhism, shares the same emphasis on acceptance of things being out of our control. This first spark of realization is what leads many of us thankfully when we discovery them. It is like a breath of fresh air to say “you know what I can’t control what this person says or does or thinks about me, so why make myself miserable by comply with my will especially through thought control?

“Accept the things to which fate binds you and live the people with when fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

If I’m not happy with what I did yesterday, rejoice that I get another chance today!